I confess...not giving "AF" might just mean you trust God more.

02/16/22 

@ 12:02am Home in Duluth 

Dear Moesha, today was the first day I realized how much alike we truly are. I mean I remember growing up watching the show, but I guess I had to “grow-up” to fully understand just how much writing meant to me. I wonder what was the first thing I fell in love with when it comes to writing. Is it the words? Is it me? Or do I simply love to talk just that much? I don’t know, but I really love that your words in the beginning of each show set the love for the episode… kind of like how my journal does for me each day. So here we go. Today is February 16th. Lol just 8 months away for my 28th Birthday. Valentine’s day was yesterday and well I spent it alone. That’s normally how it is on Valentine's day for me unless I’m with my mother or my God-daughter. Man I am truly looking forward to the day to be showered with flowers and candy and whatever else this day comes with. I thank God for my singleness, I know it’s what I need. 27 has been really interesting. I got fired from my job, I have to take a client to court for $9,000 which he owes, and I am working on publishing my very first interactive journal. Oh and I’m launching a website soon. So much is taking place. Everyday I learn something new about myself. Everyday I feel the presence of God more and more and everyday “walking by faith” gets more and more challenging. I don’t know. A part of me feels like all of this is just too good to be true. The other part keeps whispering “Don’t lose hope”. Do I worry about tomorrow? Not really…I just hope whatever tomorrow holds has something that I need in order to fulfill the purpose God has willed for my life. “Long suffering” is what the Bible calls it. I’m wise enough to know the “suffering” isn’t painful at all…it’s just one long extended test of discipline and perseverance. I believe I am built for this. For this moment right now and for tomorrow. In fact, I know this to be true. My aunt texted our group chat today….inviting us all to “Turk and Caicos”, a trip fully paid for, for 11 people. God is a good God. My grandparents would be so thrilled about us. I don’t even know where I was going with the entry, I just know my faith is being challenged. And you know what scares me? What scares me is that I’m really not worried. I’m really not obsessed or stressed. And it’s weird because I’m so used to saying “I’m stressed” or “I’m tired” that I don’t even know how else to describe this season of my life. But I’m shifting these words out of my vocabulary. God has me and that’s it. I am rested and resting calmly in the palm of his hand. Life has been good to me, even the moments I careless for. I am full of all that God has given me and I am ready to allow him to work through me so the world can have a piece of this too. I write not for me, but for you. You…whoever is reading this. I write not for today, but for tomorrow. I write not for fashion but for intention. I write not for glory but for purpose and passion. Lord, reveal your face to me, I shall bring to past what your word says about me. I won’t chase money or likeness, I just want to be impactful. I want to serve and be a light where there is darkness. Trust me with your gifts, Lord. Thank you so much “Moesha” your stories have moved us all and you are timeless. Living my life in my own truth has cost me the world. But that price bought my ticket into an eternal heaven. I am not fascinated with the ways of this world. Nor do I desire what is popular. I want real things, real with real meaning, and real truth. When you’ve seen and experienced the light of Christ, the SON, the Holy one…you’ll know and there’s nothing you’ll be able to do about it but change. I am different now. I can’t explain it - I just know something for sure. I can’t draw it in a photo, I can’t even write it out fully. “IT” just IS. I am happening. May the God whose spirit once led people by cloud and fire, be the same God who leads me today. I am yours! Thank you Moesha, you’ve given me a reason to fully write again, we are ONE. 

Love Malani 

Re-reading this is 2025 made me smile. God is still moving and working in and through my life. I hope this blessed you!